


First I Desired the Colours

by Itar94



Series: Building Neutron Stars [4]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alpha Evan Lorne, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Building Neutron Stars: The Evan/Radek Arc, M/M, Omega Radek Zelenka, Pre-Slash, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 07:01:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itar94/pseuds/Itar94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Major Evan Lorne first comes to the city of the Ancients, it’s still recovering from the three day long siege, the walls yet charred. There are soldiers patrolling the floors constantly and manning rail guns, just in case the Wraith decide to return even if the city is invisible and believed destroyed by the rest of the galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First I Desired the Colours

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first side-story in the _Building Neutron Stars_ series and the first story in _The Evan/Radek Arc_ of the same 'verse. It is set simultaneously as [Calculating Curves No One Can Read](http://archiveofourown.org/works/913873/chapters/1771534) and [Longing For the Stars to End](http://archiveofourown.org/works/920024/chapters/1786468), but from another point of view and focusing on a different pairing.

[ ](http://archiveofourown.org/tags/Building%20Neutron%20Stars:%20The%20Evan*s*Radek%20Arc)

**Desire** /dɪˈzaɪə(r)/  
[verb - noun]  
 _to want something strongly;_  
 _to seek something giving great pleasure;_  
 _a longing of the heart_

* * *

When Major Evan Lorne first comes to the city of the Ancients, it’s still recovering from the three day long siege, the walls yet charred. There are soldiers patrolling the floors constantly and manning rail guns, just in case the Wraith decide to return even if the city is invisible and believed destroyed by the rest of the galaxy.

His first impression of Atlantis is _Whoa, this is – this is -_

The city gleams, humming quietly (a warm voice at the back of his head) like it’s _alive,_ and the gate room is unlike anything he’s seen on Earth or anyplace else in the Milky Way that he’s been lucky enough to have visited.

And yeah, they say this place is possibly even more dangerous, with Wraith instead of Goa’uld and Ori, with the ability to suck people’s lives out of their hands. But it’s amazing and the artist in his heart wants to leap out and breathe life into a canvas again – he hasn’t picked up a painter’s brush for years.

* * *

As soon as he steps through the event horizon, he’s immediately ushered with the other newcomers to a conference room where they’re met by Elizabeth Weir. He’s never been on a base run by a civilian before, and wonders how sharply he’ll notice the differences. Right now everything is too fresh for him to decide.

Most military are alpha. It’s an unwritten rule and it’s rarely crossed. There are rumours whispered in his ear, though, from his fellow soldiers, many just as unfamiliar to Pegasus as he. Maybe the rules are different here, treated in another way, lightyears from the Milky Way.

There’s an omega in the Air Force, the men mutter, confused and baffled and a little awed, in command here on this base, they say. They say it wasn’t in any file, that no one knew (suppressants and secrecy and black marks) until Major Sheppard had decided to fly a nuke right into a hive – that’s what the largest Wraith ships are called, apparently – when he was picked up by the Daedalus, beamed aboard seconds before detonation.

But most of the men are too occupied with the part of _in the middle of heat, spreading chaos,_ to recall that the man also took out an entire enemy ship single-handedly.

Evan stores away the information in the back of his mind. It takes guts (and more than that, even) to join the ranks and fearlessly battle and keep such things hidden and either the now Lieutenant Colonel is brave or utterly foolish, and whatever the answer they’ll now have to answer to him; Evan is curious and well-prepared and calm, and unlike some he manages to hide any disdain.

* * *

Evan isn’t entirely sure what to expect when they are to meet their new commanding officer an hour later, after being told in more detail about Wraith and Genii soldiers lurking in ambushes and when to shoot (and when not to) by Weir and the technician Chuck, who flips through a PowerPoint presentation – now that they’re here, everything’s a bit more real but Evan doubts he’ll get it all until he’s actually sent off-world and comes face-to-face with a real Wraith. The pictures probably tell more lies than truths.

Five minutes before the omega arrives, Weir gives them all a cool, challenging gaze, and no one dares to many any comments or questions even if they could be reeling with them.

The man has stopped eating suppressants on the orders of a Dr Beckett, the chief of medicine, and he’s giving off pheromones that would’ve been even more distracting hadn’t they already been told. He enters the room, grinning an easy greeting to Weir and then turning to the men.

He may seem wiry and laidback and soft-eyed, but Evan can see the hints of steel there, and the unforgettable loyalty to Atlantis and its people, to Weir, to the men.

(There’s a black mark, Evan’s been told, vaguely, back on Earth. In Afghanistan, Sheppard disobeyed direct orders to save three lives, a meek number against all of the bodies constantly being piled up. Three lives later Sheppard was sent off to MacMurdo as punishment, unaware of aliens and Stargates and the ability to fly to the stars. And Evan thinks _he’s_ experienced some fucked up things in his lifetime.)

The first thing the Colonel tells them is this:

“No matter who you are, remember this: we _never_ leave our people behind.”

* * *

Being one of the few natural carriers of the ATA-gene, Dr Weir gives him a warning to keep an eye up for the scientists and Evan doesn’t quite get what she means until they begin tugging at him, telling him to _touch this, prod at that, check if you can make that thing glow please._

Apparently, being the military commander and leader of the premiere gate team, Colonel Sheppard is often far too busy to help out. Beckett is the second strongest natural carrier, but he’s the chief of medicine and he spends his time patching up everyone else. That leaves Evan and a handful other unfortunate souls to be called down to the labs in their free hours.

There’s just one scientist that Sheppard has time left over for - Dr McKay. Evan has seen him in the mess a couple of times during his first three days on the base, the alpha grimacing and waving his arms and pointing out flaws loudly while chewing on a sandwich. Despite their closeness and shared quarters, the two aren’t mated, he’s informed, but everyone expects it to happen any day now and, well, _it’s complicated._

* * *

The sun sets and it’s all so _gorgeous_ , the ocean wide and deep.

On the other side of the event horizon, things are different.

* * *

Colonel Sheppard may be omega, but it’s stupid to underestimate him and lower your guard. Evan remembers being stuffed full of believes like a needle-cushion, so he hesitates for just a moment too long and the next he’s pinned face-down to the floor of the gym, bruises all-over his sides and chin.

Sheppard grins lopsidedly and runs a towel through his definitively non-regulation hair. “Could use some tuning, Major. I’m sure Teyla’s happy to help you out.”

Teyla is an Athosian, an alien, a woman from a whole other galaxy. She’s the one who taught Sheppard how to control the sticks like that and breathe for balance, but the smirk and the nimble daredevil moves in-between are all his own.

The man looks at him as if he _knows._ And Evan hopes that he doesn’t misunderstand, because Evan has nothing against him per se, but he’s never knowingly had a one-on-one grapple with an omega before, nevertheless his CO, and there are things he’s still wrapping his head around.

* * *

When Evan first meets Teyla Emmagan, leader of the first alien contact the expedition had made upon coming to Atlantis, the woman greets him with a soft voice, but she wields the P90 with an expert grace and her alpha scent flares around her like a beacon, unmistakable.

He’s not sure what to think of her, except that he’d rather not face her in single combat ever again because that one time she pretty much kicked his ass. (She hits damn hard.)

* * *

Evan thinks twice the next time he’s asked to spar with his CO, the other marines standing in the side-lines expectantly watching, waiting, judging.

He doesn’t want to hesitate, yet he doesn’t miss how Stevens and Walker refuse to tear their eyes away and he remembers them talking in the lockers an hour earlier, _Sparring? With Sheppard?_ and _Better go easy on him, he’s just an omega_ and Evan’s guts twists, old principles clashing with recent discoveries.

Evan doesn’t go easy.

When it’s a draw, Sheppard looks a lot more pleased. 

* * *

Evan struggles to recall the names of every scientist in the room, as his superiors are a bit higher up on the list, but for some reason he has no trouble remembering who the omega with the wild hair and round glasses is. He politely tries backing out of the room.

They’re all a bit like leeches, eager at having found a new guineapig.

Fortunately, he’s saved when Dr McKay himself enters the lab and waves at him to move out of his way before claiming three laptops for himself, yelling at someone named Miko that _All these algorithms are all wrong!_ and _Why is everyone but_ him _so incompetent_?

The omega sighs and pushes his glasses further up his nose making him look a bit adorable, and Evan can’t believe he’s just thought that. “ _On je vždycky tak nevrlý_ ,” he mutters and Evan has no idea what that means. “Yes, yes, Rodney, these readings aren’t ideal but – oh, you can take your leave, Major Lorne,” he adds, “now that McKay’s here, Colonel Sheppard could help us with –”

“Sheppard’s busy,” is the curt reply from McKay and the alpha looks decidedly displeased. “Down in the gym again, the idiot. It’s been like, what – eight days since he become vaguely coherent? He was on sedatives for five hours! I’m _never_ letting him go back to MG9-918, in fact I’m editing its description in the database from ‘thriving pre-industrial culture’ to ‘mad dangerous  _stone-throwing_ culture that should never be visited ever’. He shouldn’t be on his feet for another _week_ and yet he’s down there beating the crap out of those marines. He’s an _idiot_! ‘Just a scratch’, my ass. – Oh, give me that datapad … hang on, this calculation makes no sense! – Did I say he’s an idiot without self-preservation and if Teyla hadn’t showed up in time to talk to those crazy locals he’d have been _toast_. Now could someone get me some coffee?”

Which is, Evan assumes, another unique point of view.

* * *

On P3M-736, he gets to see his first Wraith. This one is dead, a knife having slit its throat and its arms. It’s strange – there are no signs of bullets.

Later, he gets to know, it’s because Lt Ford, reported MIA, has killed it and taken the enzyme in its body.

* * *

When they’d told him he’d be traveling to another galaxy, visiting new worlds and defending humanity against unimaginable alien threats, this just isn’t what he’d pictured.

* * *

He’s not sure what to think of McKay, armed and geared up like a solider. The scientist doesn’t know their silent language – in fact, he doesn’t seem to know _silence_ – and keeps complaining loudly.

Evan settles on trying to ignore him, focusing on reading the tracks on the ground instead.

They find Colonel Sheppard in darkening forest, having hunted the former Lieutenant here, but now there’s no trail of the young man, only the darts whining above them. Later, he gets to know, Sheppard had been running after the man for half an hour screaming after him, pleading him to return; ignoring how the Wraith ships were nearing, seeking the Runner hidden on the planet. All Sheppard had been focusing on then was his former teammate - _we never leave our people behind._ The omega stares at the sky for a moment and there’s guilt, guilt and frustration and anger, rolling off him in waves and then McKay places a hand on the man’s arm and really, Evan doesn’t understand these two people at all, but Sheppard seems to receive a message unheard by everyone else because he turns to follow them back to the gate.

* * *

As the ex-Runner settles in in the city, Evan takes the chance to go exploring.

Apparently it’s all right to wander in his off hours, as long as he brings a radio and a nine mill strapped to his thigh – just a precaution; they don’t know what secrets the city could be holding, it is ten thousand years old after all – and he does that always anyway.

He finds a balcony, near the northwest pier, with a glorious view of the city, and considers painting again. It’s a pity he never brought any colours or ink.

* * *

“Hey doc. You busy?”

“Just running some diagnostics on these schematics, there was a glitch in the, the –” He inserts a word in Czech here, humming as he tries remembering the English word for it and Evan can’t figure out why he find this slightly awkward, bumbling omega with too-large glasses so _endearing_.

And fuck, he can’t afford to think that, this fast. He’s just been stationed to a new base, he has responsibilities and this is not the time to fall in lust with anybody. The Generals will already be frowning at the risks of Sheppard mating to McKay and being distracted from his duties; Evan can’t afford the same happen to him, not now, not yet, no matter what his heart says.

The omega’s typing something that Evan can’t see from this angle but he tries catching a glimpse of the man’s hands anyway. “Can I help you, Major?”

He clears his throat and this isn’t the time to feel the nerves. This isn’t a battle or a life-or-death situation. This is _nothing_ compared to what he’s seen during his days in the military. But his heart thunders nonetheless.

“I was just wondering, if you had the time, we could share a coffee in the mess?”

And when the scientist smiles and bit and says, “Why not, I have a break in fifteen minutes (unless something unexpected happens)”, Evan has nothing to worry about.

* * *

When Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay suddenly lock themselves in their sharer quarters and won’t answer to radio calls for over twenty-four hours and counting, Weir is worrying but Teyla is oddly calm, and Evan goes to the labs searching for the one scientist he recalls. If Sheppard is incapacitated then Evan is the second in command and military decisions are his, and the security of this base rests in his hands. Therefore, he seeks out Radek Zelenka, because the man has got to be able to break through an Ancient door.

The Czech mutters something in his mother-tongue, shaking his head negative and Evan doesn’t get why he’s refusing to open the damn door until he presses his ear against it, listens for a moment and flushes.

“They’re probably –” and the Major exhales, “Ah. Uh. Yeah. Then we’d better – leave them to it.”

And things become a little awkward, until Zelenka offers they could share some coffee after telling Weir that there’s nothing to worry about.

* * *

Coffee with Radek is nice. Calming. There are no Wraith in their discussions.

* * *

After seventy-two hours, Sheppard and McKay enters the mess and the two are holding hands, glowing and at peace.

But Evan isn’t there to notice because he’s letting Zelenka babble about energy readings and touching Ancient things for him and he wonders if the omega knows about the balcony on the fifty-eight level, where Evan’s planning out his next painting.

* * *

Atlantis isn’t Earth.

It dawns on him by how often they face threats and attacks and Wraith and kidnappings and missions going wrong. Still, some things are no different here than it would be on any other planet. The human heart is the same here as elsewhere. And sometimes, Evan goes down to the labs just to hear a string of unfamiliar words in Czech, cursing his own wild pulse and yet, he can’t stop himself, can’t stop seeking the thrill.

* * *

The Daedalus brings with it supplies, medicines and food, clothes for an armada and ammo for another two months, and now that Earth can be reached by ship people have begun requesting more personal things to be sent to them. In his own list the following month Evan adds two brushes, a basic set of colours, a few blank canvases to fill. It might just be wistful thinking and they may have to gather dust, as he’s pulled through the gate for from one mission to the other.

And the condoms are more of a hope to get a distraction, one day, maybe, if he could just gather the guts to approach but, fuck, he’s not sure and he doesn’t want to ruin anything and there haven’t been any signs of him _wanting_ –

* * *

After two months on Atlantis, Evan shows Radek his first painting, the first one he’s made in _years_ and he hadn’t even planned on telling anyone, but to show Radek just feels natural and unforgettable. When the Czech says _Je to krásné, Evane!_ he doesn’t need translation to feel the warmth of the words and he glows with pride, because this omega isn’t the kind to be impressed by muscles or other shows of physical strength. This is good enough.

He can’t even remember when they started being on first name basis with one another. And after a while, it just feels natural to smile as well, and share little secrets, and not worry about the rest of the world when it’s just the two of them, together.

* * *

Being off-world is exciting and nerve-wracking and the hours pass by so slow, so _slow_ , until he can step through the event horizon again. Before, he was always ready to go off-world, to rush into the unknown without fears, but now the feeling of homesickness starts creeping up on him and then, there’s this candle an unknown hand has lit in his heart, that he clings to when things get especially rough.

He starts realizing what’s happening.

And fuck, it’s not the time, he’s a Major and busy and he has responsibilities and priorities and can’t let his mind wander toward sunsets in ten thousand year old cities and sharing coffee with a man with the most adorable smile.

* * *

One day (he cannot pinpoint exactly when) Evan lets Radek watch him recreate another of Atlantis’ tall spires, filling a second canvas, and Radek begins to teach him to read the world in numbers and laws of physics and how to overcome them.

* * *

After three months in Pegasus, the base goes haywire again with a new rumour – those are always flying around, but this is bigger than the rest. Evan returns from another off-world mission, this one a success for once, to hear that McKay has destroyed three quarters of a solar system and Sheppard has been giving him the cold shoulder for three days and it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

He should’ve expected the pregnancy, given Sheppard is an omega that mated a little under a month ago but still – maybe it’s because Sheppard is his CO, or because he’s a stubborn warrior and unlike any omega he’s ever met, or a combination – he’s entirely unprepared.

Then, he wonders if Sheppard means to step down, if he means Evan to step up and Evan isn’t sure he’s ready for that kind of responsibility. He’s content leading his own team and answering to Sheppard and Weir. He doesn’t want to take that step yet, for a number of reasons (most probably selfish) but also he doesn’t want Sheppard to think that he’s a rival. He _isn’t_. He respects Sheppard just as much as any previous CO and holds him in higher regard than many people back on Earth.

If he has to step up, he’ll have less time over to seek out the spot on the balcony and letting the artistic blood in his veins flow and share a cup with Radek while the omega tries explaining the matters of the universe in terms that Evan can comprehend.

* * *

Naturally, Sheppard refuses to step down.

(Evan exhales.)

And some of the marines may mutter, confused and scornful, when they gear up in the armour before another mission when their CO isn’t near, but Evan isn’t one of them because he’s seen that Sheppard is so much more than just an omega. He’s a good warrior and natural leader – and that’s another thing the alphas on the base don’t like; omegas aren’t leaders in their book – and he _never_ leaves anyone behind.

One thing Evan is certain of; that baby is going to be taught how to kick ass pretty fast, with Teyla Emmagan and Ronon Dex as its unofficial aunt and uncle, and it will probably learn both how to fly and how to read the stars in no time at all. McKay won't settle for second best.

* * *

The best part of stepping through the Stargate is going back to Atlantis.

And when he understands that this is _home_ now, this is where he belongs, he grows warm with anticipation.

* * *

McKay is pacing again, yelling at the nurses, yelling at his staff, yelling at no one in particular, while Dr Beckett is working day and night to fix it. This isn’t the kind of situation where Evan can act, he can’t shoot down an enemy and have it solved, and it’s disconcerting to be standing in the side-lines.

They’ve put Sheppard in an isolation room like a beast in a cage.

He doesn’t share it with anyone aloud, but he has been overlooking his CO’s strength, just like everyone else and he feels like a hypocrite when he realizes this. It gives him the creeps to see the bug-like creature that Sheppard has become, beating down the marines without effort, yellow eyes flashing with fierce anger and protectiveness and frustration –

And then, briefly, the eyes become human and he backs into a corner, letting them drag the unconscious bodies out of the room. They’re armed with tranquilizing guns but Evan feels torn at having to aim at his CO and the men have orders not to pull the trigger unless – unless the worst happen.

If they can’t find a way to turn him back soon, to save him and the baby, Evan fears for the whole safety of this base as McKay might destroy another solar system.

* * *

He loses Stevens and Walker when they extract the eggs from the nest of Iratus bugs.

They hadn’t grumbled before this mission, hadn’t slipped those easy backwards comments that they usually did, because seeing their CO like that had thrown them off guard. They hadn’t whispered anything foul.

They manage to get the eggs and Beckett makes a cure, and everyone holds their breath as they wait for Sheppard to recover, to become human again.

At least the caskets sent back to Earth aren’t empty. Evan sends a message with them, to them men’s near ones, telling them that Walker and Stevens were heroes, saving more than one life (but he can’t specify because the baby is classified).

* * *

A couple of days later, he finds Radek in the jumper bay, fiddling with the control panel making some modifications or another. The man suggests a cup of coffee once he’s done.

He wonders if it’s the right time.

* * *

He stars longing for Radek’s next heat, and wishes for him to not take those days off and hide as usual, like all the omegas on the base do, locking himself in with patience and drugs; but to let the ahlpa come with him –

* * *

Colonel Sheppard goes missing while on his final off-world mission before he’s meant to settle down to have the baby (at least according to Weir, but Evan knows they’re still arguing about it).

They’ve never visited P3X-GH4 before and Evan doesn’t quite comprehend as McKay rushes into the city talking about _no time, no time_ but Radek seems to understand what the man means, taking it in with wide eyes – _this is bad, this is very, very bad_ \- so Evan nods and listens and hands out orders.

Still, he doesn’t quite understand but he prays for them to find his CO and return him whole and sound.

Radek had looked so frantic when McKay had delivered the news, _frightened_ even, and even if Evan knows that the omega is skittish, this is something else. This is something more and bigger.

Later maybe, once they’re back on Atlantis on the balcony, the Czech could explain what the hell a time dilation field is.

* * *

He’s been sitting in the jumper for less than a minute when they return, and Sheppard looks tired and worn out and he’s got stubble on his cheeks and a baby resting in his arms.

Ronon settles the man down, the omega exhaling but not speaking a word and McKay’s babbling – _Are you all right? Does it hurt? Are you okay? Oh my god, we hurried and I wasn’t sure if it’d work -_ and Evan _stares_.

* * *

The girl’s name is Marie Elizabeth Sheppard-McKay, born on a planet with only an anonymous designation, and the date they put on the birth certificate isn’t entirely true. (But then again everything is relative.)

Evan wonders if he will ever have a daughter or son of his own.

* * *

When in a whole different galaxy far, far away, anything is possible, and maybe, maybe Radek wouldn’t mind if one day Evan asked him out, offering more than just coffee.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Czech-English translations:** _(I'm sorry if it's all wrong because I don't speak a word of Czech!)_  
>  On je vždycky tak nevrlý - He's always so grumpy  
> Je to krásné, Evane - It's beautiful, Evan


End file.
